OverRATEd!! (clap clap clapclapclap)
For my money, the most overrated holiday is New Year's Eve. It just doesn't do anything for me. I'm all for a party, but, I'm never comfortable at any event where I'm REQUIRED to be in attendance for the entirety of the night. Such is the case with NYE. If you don't stay there until midnight, then, the party is just like any other party, right? Nothing wrong with that, at all, but, most of the time, if I'm going to completely dismiss the reason for the occasion, then, why have the occasion (?!?). And, shit, if the party starts at 7pm, I'm wiped by 10:30pm....yes, I'm aged.
The same goes for the Super Bowl. Unless my team is in it (ha!), then, this event is also in the category of "have to stay until the end" type of get-together. Thankfully, this year I went to a party where I knew everybody in the place. Also, there was never anyone telling everybody to quiet down for the fucking commercials. Food was great, and, it's always better to be amongst friends and acquaintances. I'm usually at SB parties where I know 50% of the folks and the other people I'm don't even make eye contact with. AWKwaaaaaard. Good time. Loverly.
That said, the Super Bowl itself is just so....fucking....bad.
I mean, if you didn't see a billion flashbulbs going off at kickoff, you'd think it was any other regular season game. When you watch the playoffs in hockey, there is a completely different aura around the game. Totally different energy. Same with the NBA playoffs, to be honest. But, that's like comparing a living person to a dead person. In comparison, the living person seems more exciting. World Series - you can just feel the tension on every pitch. The college Bowl games - totally energetic (and always matching up teams who never played each other during the season, I might add).
The Super Bowl? Hand off to the right side....pass play left....it's any other game. I'm sorry, it is.
The 50-hour pregame is just perpetuating the narrative that mouth-breathing sports fans have started. "We're real sports nuts, so, we LOVE the pregame stuff because we're real sports nuts and real sports nuts are real men and so.....yeah....I have to play the part of some idiot that gets a boner over everything football football football!!! SMAAAAASH!!!"
And it is SO FUCKING OBVIOUS who is an actual, informed football fan at these parties and who just wants to act the part. It's fantastic to watch. And, usually, they're the ones that win the pool....as well as the ones really interested in the commercials (laughing loudly at something marginally comical is usually a good way to spot them).
So......I seem to have wandered a bit, once again.....no harm done. Jolly good luck.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Monday, February 01, 2010
Yooo-hooooo.....
Ha ha HAAAWWW!
Every single time I watch a nano-second of the red carpet bullshit before these gala Hollywood events, I immediately think of Jiminy Glick. I sincerely hope Martin Short was on hand for this.
It's just so....phony. I know this isn't breaking news, but, it just feels so much worse than in the past. When Clark Gable would be interviewed, he would carry himself with a bit of formality. Same with a lot of the old actors and actresses - they were on film and weren't trying to act like they weren't.
Now, theses celebrities are trying so fucking hard to seem like they're "just like us"!
From the bullshit reaction by Kate Winslet ("...gather") to the latest Julia Roberts attempt at sounding normal (before reading a Golden Globe winner - "...Finn, go to bed" - oh! You're a mommy! Just like meeeee! Yay!), it just keeps getting stomach-churningly bad.
George Clooney 'keeps it real' because he still plays pickup basketball with his buddies. Jay Leno 'slaps five' with the audience before the show. Madonna writes children's books....and it goes on like this.
I remember wwwwaaaay back in the day, I co-wrote a treatment for a very famous comedian. I was friends with this comic's brother and, also, had a connection to the agent.
When I asked the agent's assistant about "Agent McGee", the assistant told me he was SO down-to-earth. Her reasoning? Whenever Agent McGee showed up at a party or a film shoot, he would be wearing jeans and a tee-shirt. THAT's how "approachable" he was! Just hangin' out, maaaan. So, I asked if she would give him our film treatment directly. She agreed.
Guess who never read it. And, guess if there was a film made with our exact storyline about six years later. Just sayin'.
I wish they'd just stop trying to bullshit us. They may be decent people. They may be down-to-earth, but, a truly down-to-earth person doesn't need to "prove it" all the fucking time.
The real problem is, however, that the public laps it up like a Slurpee.
No different than a politician wearing flannel when they go speak to the farmers or a hard-hat when they speak to the unions. Yet, they keep electing these fakes.
And, let's just stop with the illusion that this new Supreme Court ruling allowing for more corporate money to political candidates is going to make one bit of a difference. As if our leaders aren't already paid off!?! Are you fucking joking?!? How does this change anything?
"It's all bullshit, folks, and it's bad for ya'" (George Carlin)
Well, I seem to have wandered a bit...but, no harm done. Jolly good.
Every single time I watch a nano-second of the red carpet bullshit before these gala Hollywood events, I immediately think of Jiminy Glick. I sincerely hope Martin Short was on hand for this.
It's just so....phony. I know this isn't breaking news, but, it just feels so much worse than in the past. When Clark Gable would be interviewed, he would carry himself with a bit of formality. Same with a lot of the old actors and actresses - they were on film and weren't trying to act like they weren't.
Now, theses celebrities are trying so fucking hard to seem like they're "just like us"!
From the bullshit reaction by Kate Winslet ("...gather") to the latest Julia Roberts attempt at sounding normal (before reading a Golden Globe winner - "...Finn, go to bed" - oh! You're a mommy! Just like meeeee! Yay!), it just keeps getting stomach-churningly bad.
George Clooney 'keeps it real' because he still plays pickup basketball with his buddies. Jay Leno 'slaps five' with the audience before the show. Madonna writes children's books....and it goes on like this.
I remember wwwwaaaay back in the day, I co-wrote a treatment for a very famous comedian. I was friends with this comic's brother and, also, had a connection to the agent.
When I asked the agent's assistant about "Agent McGee", the assistant told me he was SO down-to-earth. Her reasoning? Whenever Agent McGee showed up at a party or a film shoot, he would be wearing jeans and a tee-shirt. THAT's how "approachable" he was! Just hangin' out, maaaan. So, I asked if she would give him our film treatment directly. She agreed.
Guess who never read it. And, guess if there was a film made with our exact storyline about six years later. Just sayin'.
I wish they'd just stop trying to bullshit us. They may be decent people. They may be down-to-earth, but, a truly down-to-earth person doesn't need to "prove it" all the fucking time.
The real problem is, however, that the public laps it up like a Slurpee.
No different than a politician wearing flannel when they go speak to the farmers or a hard-hat when they speak to the unions. Yet, they keep electing these fakes.
And, let's just stop with the illusion that this new Supreme Court ruling allowing for more corporate money to political candidates is going to make one bit of a difference. As if our leaders aren't already paid off!?! Are you fucking joking?!? How does this change anything?
"It's all bullshit, folks, and it's bad for ya'" (George Carlin)
Well, I seem to have wandered a bit...but, no harm done. Jolly good.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Ha HA! He's such a Bitch!
If You Can't Handle What They're Layin' Down...
Just when I thought people couldn't get any worse, this comes along.
At least, it gives us a conveniently condensed list of those we can put up as human shields, should the need arise.
I think if I saw Robert Hintze on the street, I'd walk across the street, purchase a hot dog from a vendor, load it up with ketchup, mustard, relish, pickle and onions, go up to him, take a bite, then, take the remainder of it in my hand and jam it down his throat until the backside of his teeth were touching my elbow.
What a bunch of assholes.
And, now, My Diatribe About Football, Once Again...
I'm starting to trace my hatred of sports reporters, commentators, former jocks and overall sports-media-types to Todd Christensen. Yep! The former Raiders TE who became the jock analyst for the NFL back in the 80's and early 90's.
He was an articulate ex-athlete that could put together a coherent analysis of a game, and sprinkle opinions that, at least, SOUNDED like they were well-thought-out.
At that point, it all changed. Every other ex-jock that could put more than three words together without stammering took it upon themselves to be "Christensen-Lite".
There is much talk about the 'dumbing down of America', but, the worst thing to happen to football, is the attempt to "Smart Up" the game of football.
It's football. It's a bone-rattling, concussion-getting, violent, bloody sport. It's huge, overgrown men crashing into each other to try and move a ball down a field ten yards at a time to the end zone. That's it....and I love it.
But, ever since the Christensen days, ex-jocks in the booth have made it their apparent mission to try and make their profession seems more intellectual than it actually is. They throw in words like "football" every two seconds. They invent terms like "red zone", "nickel package", "hurries", "passer rating", "blitz package", "scheme" and "going through his checkdowns".
All of these terms are to make the actual game seem like it's using more brainpower. It's not. Yes, there is strategy. It's important when playing the game, but, that's just it - they're PLAYING A GAME! Let it be that. It's great the way it is.
I don't need human interest stories. I don't need to know if they're in the "Tampa Two" or a nickel package. In college football, I don't give a shit what their major is. Do. Not. Care.
I don't know WHERE the "red zone" bullshit started. I think it was Madden, who, for some inexplicable reason decided to call anything inside the 20, the 'red zone'. What I really like, however, are these athletes and coaches, who claim they 'never listen to the media', using terms like "red zone" - a term completely made up by the media. Love it.
Anyway, I hope that there comes a day when the football analysts just talk about the game in a way that Steve Stone does in baseball - good insight, funny, opinions backed by actual facts and experience, and doesn't try to make their kid's game sound like it's explaining the atom.
Just when I thought people couldn't get any worse, this comes along.
At least, it gives us a conveniently condensed list of those we can put up as human shields, should the need arise.
I think if I saw Robert Hintze on the street, I'd walk across the street, purchase a hot dog from a vendor, load it up with ketchup, mustard, relish, pickle and onions, go up to him, take a bite, then, take the remainder of it in my hand and jam it down his throat until the backside of his teeth were touching my elbow.
What a bunch of assholes.
And, now, My Diatribe About Football, Once Again...
I'm starting to trace my hatred of sports reporters, commentators, former jocks and overall sports-media-types to Todd Christensen. Yep! The former Raiders TE who became the jock analyst for the NFL back in the 80's and early 90's.
He was an articulate ex-athlete that could put together a coherent analysis of a game, and sprinkle opinions that, at least, SOUNDED like they were well-thought-out.
At that point, it all changed. Every other ex-jock that could put more than three words together without stammering took it upon themselves to be "Christensen-Lite".
There is much talk about the 'dumbing down of America', but, the worst thing to happen to football, is the attempt to "Smart Up" the game of football.
It's football. It's a bone-rattling, concussion-getting, violent, bloody sport. It's huge, overgrown men crashing into each other to try and move a ball down a field ten yards at a time to the end zone. That's it....and I love it.
But, ever since the Christensen days, ex-jocks in the booth have made it their apparent mission to try and make their profession seems more intellectual than it actually is. They throw in words like "football" every two seconds. They invent terms like "red zone", "nickel package", "hurries", "passer rating", "blitz package", "scheme" and "going through his checkdowns".
All of these terms are to make the actual game seem like it's using more brainpower. It's not. Yes, there is strategy. It's important when playing the game, but, that's just it - they're PLAYING A GAME! Let it be that. It's great the way it is.
I don't need human interest stories. I don't need to know if they're in the "Tampa Two" or a nickel package. In college football, I don't give a shit what their major is. Do. Not. Care.
I don't know WHERE the "red zone" bullshit started. I think it was Madden, who, for some inexplicable reason decided to call anything inside the 20, the 'red zone'. What I really like, however, are these athletes and coaches, who claim they 'never listen to the media', using terms like "red zone" - a term completely made up by the media. Love it.
Anyway, I hope that there comes a day when the football analysts just talk about the game in a way that Steve Stone does in baseball - good insight, funny, opinions backed by actual facts and experience, and doesn't try to make their kid's game sound like it's explaining the atom.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
For the Record....
In Case You Weren't Clear on My Stance....
The next person that says the following phrases (or variations thereof) will be subject to a series of metal pipe clubbings.
Over the holiday season, the following phrases have been said either directly to me or in my proximity:
1) "When you have kids, then, you'll understand"
2) "For those of us with children that get to see the magic of Christmas, it can be a special time."
3) "Dude, I got into shape for my kids...."
4) "You think you love your dog, man, wait until you have kids..."
I could go on, but, if you've read this blog, you know where this is going.
Jesus. Gooooood for yooooooooooou! You have CHILDREN!
I've gone from irritated to downright "fuck you!" about this shit. I'm done being nice about it. I've purchased an aluminum bat to carry with me now, so, just beware. I'm packin'.
The one that REALLY got me was the 'dog' one. I just admire the arrogance that somebody else can tell me how much I'm going to love someone or something. The conceit is actually quite impressive.
I just need to vent. This is my new crusade. I'm not even really sure how I can possibly eradicate it, but, I'm going to call this shit out when I hear it.
Bring it.
On a Happier Note...
The Orange Bowl is finally here. Jesus. The gap between the regular season and the bowl games in just getting to be interminable. I'm warming up to the idea of Big Ten expansion and a championship game as it's just getting to be too much time.
Personally, I'm glad Notre Dame isn't going to join the Big Ten. Gives me another reason to hate their guts, actually. I can take perceived arrogance, blow it out of proportion, and vent it nicely onto their program. Very convenient. It reduces me to the level of a sportstalk host or caller.
That said. I would hope the conference gets a team in warmer weather. I wouldn't mind taking a trip to a stadium where the temperature doesn't kill penguins in November. I'm thinking South Florida would be up for it!
And.....
I'm restarting my diet/exercise program on Wednesday, the day after the bowl game. I'm just not going to even feign an attempt at eating well during that ballgame. Forget it.
The ole' diet plan took a beating when I lost my job. Food is a wonderful friend and protector..
The next person that says the following phrases (or variations thereof) will be subject to a series of metal pipe clubbings.
Over the holiday season, the following phrases have been said either directly to me or in my proximity:
1) "When you have kids, then, you'll understand"
2) "For those of us with children that get to see the magic of Christmas, it can be a special time."
3) "Dude, I got into shape for my kids...."
4) "You think you love your dog, man, wait until you have kids..."
I could go on, but, if you've read this blog, you know where this is going.
Jesus. Gooooood for yooooooooooou! You have CHILDREN!
I've gone from irritated to downright "fuck you!" about this shit. I'm done being nice about it. I've purchased an aluminum bat to carry with me now, so, just beware. I'm packin'.
The one that REALLY got me was the 'dog' one. I just admire the arrogance that somebody else can tell me how much I'm going to love someone or something. The conceit is actually quite impressive.
I just need to vent. This is my new crusade. I'm not even really sure how I can possibly eradicate it, but, I'm going to call this shit out when I hear it.
Bring it.
On a Happier Note...
The Orange Bowl is finally here. Jesus. The gap between the regular season and the bowl games in just getting to be interminable. I'm warming up to the idea of Big Ten expansion and a championship game as it's just getting to be too much time.
Personally, I'm glad Notre Dame isn't going to join the Big Ten. Gives me another reason to hate their guts, actually. I can take perceived arrogance, blow it out of proportion, and vent it nicely onto their program. Very convenient. It reduces me to the level of a sportstalk host or caller.
That said. I would hope the conference gets a team in warmer weather. I wouldn't mind taking a trip to a stadium where the temperature doesn't kill penguins in November. I'm thinking South Florida would be up for it!
And.....
I'm restarting my diet/exercise program on Wednesday, the day after the bowl game. I'm just not going to even feign an attempt at eating well during that ballgame. Forget it.
The ole' diet plan took a beating when I lost my job. Food is a wonderful friend and protector..
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